do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
