so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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