i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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