that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
