yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You were trust falling into bushes
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
