Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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