We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
