That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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