If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
