I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
