Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
