Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
