dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
