my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
