Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
