just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
