hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
