Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
did i just pee glitter
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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