I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
