do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
