I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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