No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
