and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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