508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
