I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
