Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
