goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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