im about as happy as oj after his trial
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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