I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
