Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
