it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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