He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
