my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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