And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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