We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
