i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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