K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
