I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
