I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
