Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
