now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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