If i come over, it means nothing
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
