I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
