Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
