I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
