barbara walters just said penis...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
