So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
