u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
