i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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