pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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