I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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