Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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