This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
