i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
