this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
