know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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