yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
