The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
